18 January, 2006

A mid-winter's day dream

Already mid-January. What a month. I really miss having the free time to read and write. Getting so close, so fast to the February bar exam. I feel very good about my study so far, and my scores on MBE questions; then again, I felt that way in June and July. The difference this time around is that I'm able to do more work, and work more deeply, thanks in large part to my beautiful new drug. I guess only time will tell if the second time is a charm; in an ideal world the job I'm hoping for will come through, and I'll have slightly less to worry about.

I lost another friend in the office. Gazoo has moved on to bigger and better things, and I am truly despondent over his absence. I wish him luck, of course, and I'm happy for him, of course, but I'm jealous, too, of course, and selfishly so: well, dammit, he should be here for me. I won't go into our pre-officemate history, largely because it's irrelevant, and mostly because I now feel foolish about a decision I made around that time.* Even though he would rarely look up from the tap-tap-tapping on his keyboard, we had our moments, and I was very happy to finally get him outside the office - on two occasions during the year that he worked here. The office holiday party, in which we all howled at the moon after slogging through snow, was fun. This past weekend was the major coup, however. We all flounced down to southern Indiana, all six of us**, to the little vinyl-clad chalet by the lake, for a short escape from the city over the holiday weekend (thank you MLK).I was very happy to be able to spend time with all these friends I so rarely see outside of work, but happiest to be able to spend time getting to know Gazoo better. I miss him greatly around the office, and sincerely hope that I have the opportunities to continue and deepen our friendship. Of course, I may be wrong about that: It takes two to do the friendship tango. There is a distinct possibility that Gazoo agreed to come along simply to pacify me, once and for all, and to slip silently into his future without a glance backward in my direction.

I couldn't have asked for or chosen better companions for such a weekend, but I definitely could (and should) have chosen a better time. I certainly enjoyed myself on the whole, and no one seemed to be in any visible pain. We were all exhausted by the weather and the workweek, and so the frolicking rollicking hilarity was subdued and sporadic. I perhaps simultaneously over- and under- played the good host role, trying to facilitate "good wholesome fun" but also leaving my charges to their own devices. At least, thank god, I long ago learned not to play vacation czar, forcing everyone to get along and go along, devising and ramming an itinerary down throats and up asses. I want to repeat this trip in warmer months.

After the more serious guests left early Sunday to return to city lives, I was alone (and still alseep) with my love. Somehow this solitude was new. The seclusion and newness of the surroundings infused me with a feeling of somethingness. I couldn't wait for him to wake up so we could do - what? Another elaborate meal was out of the question, sunbathing, boating, and lolling in and near the water was impossible, and even the idea of drinking was unappetizing (it was 11am, after all!). I built a fire in the fireplace, made a rather large breakfast mostly out of a selfish desire to extinguish the hungry fire in my belly brought about by the previous night's festivities, and settled down to watch the NFL playoffs. How nice to have two teams to root for - imagine the glory of a Chicago-Indianapolis superbowl (ANY excuse for a party) ! How depressing to see both teams choke. My love, after gliding down the stairs, freshly showered and beautifully radiant (as always), and breakfasting mightily, poked about in the fire a bit and suggested, between episodes of his favorite podcast, that we take a walk. I loved the idea, but couldn't imagine how much fun walking around the lake roads could be, so I suggested we drive down to the dam and see if there was anything interesting there. And indeed, we did: it seems the conservancy district maintains nature trails through undeveloped woods, mostly around a mile or so in length. After almost 20 years enjoying this lake and its surroundings, I had no idea the trails were there. Lulo and I chose the longest, mostly because the map represented a creek at the end, and we set out. I won't bore with details, because they are surely only of interest to me and my love. I look forward to many more long walks with him, and many years of exploration and discovery, as cheesy as it may sound.

* Ugh. That involves an ex.

** my
love, two old friends/classmates/coworkers, and Gazoo and his up-till-now enigmatic husband - just picture the 6 of us, four fags, a straight couple, many "ethnic" flavors (three interracial couples in the clay hills of the deep northern south, imagine that! Two out of the three couples homo, imagine that!) How disgusting. How beautiful.

Sounds like y'all had fun! Where in southern Indiana exactly?
And why wasn't I invited?
Ergo: A bit kinda sorta between Bloomington and Indianapolis.

J: You're always invited, though I've lost all hope after three years with no Chicago visits. What is your cousin thinking? How is she? Um... maybe you could call or write sometime?

And everyone else... Maybe you could call or write sometime?
Pretty pie!
You should have written about the Trivial Pursuit game we all played, and how our team (you and me) didn’t want anyone to win because everyone had been so “quiet” up until then, and they finally all seemed to be having fun. Oh! And about how your friend AJ was getting all competitive and Asian, and then he lost! Ha! He just looked so crushed when we won.

You also didn’t mention us going to that little village, what was the name of it? That was a cool place. I definitely want to go back, just to get some things for myself, and some gifts, too. Oh! And the apple orchard, where we bought all that yummy stuff! That was pretty nice.

I really enjoyed the day when everyone was gone, Sunday, and we took that first walk in the woods (we went back again the next day). RYL looked so beautiful all lit up by the natural colors of the forest and the soft sunlight that was filtered by the canopy above us. And I really enjoyed the lovely little stream at the end of the trail! It was so delightful to jump across it and so cool to see hoof prints (made by a deer?) in the clay hills, as we deviated from the path a bit and walked back.

(I had a lot of fun, and ate a bit more than I should’ve. I’m suffering for that now. Gotta join a gym or something. . .)

I am looking forward to the next trip! Oh! And I think this time your lovely friends, The Trannies” (I mean that in the most loving way), will be joining us! Yay! They’re so much fun!
Sound like y'all had a "brokeback" day there! fun fun.
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