04 January, 2006

Lunchtime Follies

As the vinegared scent of Mr. Submarine wafts past my open office door and cloaks all around me in the savory douchesque light of lunches past, I have the urge to report on a conversation heard around the banquet table today noontime.

It seems one can customize the shape of the head of one's baby.

Everyone knows that a baby's head is soft. It is this, among other considerations of fragility, that make me queasy at the prospect of holding my 2 month old nephew. I can't keep a cell phone running properly for more than 7 months; can you imagine the consequences of my prolonged contact with a malleable spongy newborn child?

Nevertheless, I think I have hit upon my route to fortune. I shall invent a cap that allows the yuppie parent to mold her child's head into the preferred shape. Never again will the fruit of the well-heeled's womb suffer the slings and arrows of ridicule for possesion of an odd- or unfashionably- shaped head.

To hell with genetic engineering, now there's a handy dandy do-it-yourself tool!

Think of it as an investment in your child's future!

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